Mort Goes to the Orthodontist
by darkprediction
Summary: Mort discovers the evils of having to get his braces checked. Does Shooter decide to come along for the trip?


( Here's a short story. My friends and I have been laughing about ideas like this, so I jest had to write something about it. I hope it's as funny as i was before I started writing. It should appeal to all of you who have experienced the evils of getting braces and going to the orthodontist... I kinda added someone like me in there, because I had to put up with four whole years of it. Well, here you go!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anyting to do with secret window.. .No not even Mort.

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It had been a month since Morton Rainey had gotten his braces on. He hadn't counted on how much they had hurt, but they felt ok, now. The only problem was that he had been eating corn on the cob. It is a well known fact that corn and braces do NOT mix. He didn't think of that before planting all of that bloody corn, but what did it matter? The corn! The beautiful corn. Essence of the perfect ending to the perfect story!...Corn.

Of course, it was the corn that popped off one of Mort's brackets. That was no problem, though. He had his monthly braces checkup scheduled for tomorrow, so no worries... At least that's what he thought.

The next day, Mort got in his car and headed over to the orthodontist's office. Doctor Derito was his orthodontist. He had to drive to the next town over. Ever since Mort's wife, Amy went missing, The people of Tashmore Lake didn't take too kindly to Mort... He hadn't the slightest why.

Arriving at the office, Mort went to the front desk to check himself in. The lady at the desk looked up at him and smiled. What awful teeth she had!

' Geez, lady! You work in a damn orthodontist's office! For god's sake, do something with your mangle mess of teeth!' Morton thought to himself. He couldn't help but stare.

" What's your name, hon?" She asked. She seemed nice enough, but those teeth!

" Oh, um, Morton Rainey." He said, snapping out of his trance.

" Ok, have a seat, and we'll call you in." The woman said.

He walked over to an empty chaiin the witing room. On the table next to him, there was a collection of outdated magazines. Oh, the horror of waiting rooms and their magazines. Mort couldn't help but sigh.

" I need a cigarette..." He murmured to himself.

After what seemed like hours of waiting, another woman entered the waiting room. " Mort?" She asked, looking around the room. Mort stood up. " Right in here." The woman said, pointing to one of the rooms to the side. " You can take a seat" She said. " Doctor Derito will be there in a bit." With that, she left the room, leaving Mort to wait.

" I like Doritos..." He muttered, he heard a stifled laugh, and looked around.

He wasn't alone in the room. In the dental chair next to him was a teenaged girl. She was lookin the other way, trying to seem inconspicuous. She had short messy brown hair, and she was wearing a black sweatshirt. There was an assortment of pins on the front pockets. Mostly pirate things. She must have felt that she was being watched, because she slowly turned her head and looked at him.

Mort flashed her a dazzling smile. Yes, a braces smile can be dazzling... When Johnny Depp smiles with braces. Crowds of fangirls flocked to the windows to get a look at such a smile and melt into a big puddle of fan-goo. Cries of things like " Johnny!" could be heard in the goop.

Mort looked confused. " Johnny who?...Hey, kid, why haven't you melted?" He asked the girl in the room.

" I must be impervious to the radioactive rays being sent off by your braces. Probably caused by an overmixture of Doritos, Mountain Dew, and extreme Johnny-liciousness." She stated

" Johnny who?.. Wait, Why are you so ' impervious' ? " The girl just shrugged. " Well, you're ok, kid. I'll call you Chico!" Mort said brightly.

" What! That's like some awful dog's name! If I were a dog named Chico I'd want to be killed with a screwdriver or something. Besides, I always thought Chico was a boy name..."

" Mort had to agree. His thought were then interrupted by the woman who led him into the room earlier. " Ok, Mr. Rainey, let's change those elastics. Open." Mort opened his mouth and the woan noticed his broken bracket.

" Did you call in about this?" She asked. Her eyes narrowed in an accusing way.

" Oh, uh, no. Actually, I-" He was cut off.

" You were supposed to call." the woman said firmly.

" It happened just yesterday..." Mort was suprised to see that the lady had changes so drastically. She looked insane with fury. Her eyes were bulging and her hair was disheveled.

" BUT YOU HAVE TO CALL!" She shrieked.

Mort was now scared enough to soil himself.. but luckily he didn't. He flinched as the derranged woman shrieked at him. He didn't realize how seriously these people took a broken brace. Soon another woman cane into the room and patted the enraged assistant's back.

" It's ok, hon. I'll take care of him. You go take your medication." She said with the air of speaking to a toddler. The insane lady left the room, still twitching. The other assistant, who was much nicer, re-cemented the bracket, and Mort was left to once again wait. Exept now his seat was reclined and there was an annoying dentist's light in his face.

The girl across the room was rocking her Converse clad feet side to side. She stared blankly ahead of her. It seemed that she had been long used to this kind of waiting.. but she didn't seem to enjoy it. Mort didn't know her name, so for now, Miss Chico was sitting there very boredly.

The egg timer that had been set while Mort's braces were drying went off.

" Gah gell grung...er..." Mort tried. Chico girl looked up.

" Hellen Keller?" Mort rolled his eyes at her. " Oh, the bell. Yeah. I heard it ring, you don't have to tell me."

Doctor Derito walked in a few seconds after the timer went off. " Cement dry? Ok, we'll have someone re-tie your elastics." He said. Mort looked at the girl in the room questioningly. The Doc. got the hint.

" Her? No we still have patients that have braces... WE are going to check on all of the important patients first." He said, looking at the poor kid with a disgusted face. Chico girl let out a dejected sigh. After another five minuted of waiting, the nice woman who cemented his brace was tying elastics back onto Mort's braces. Derito walked back in.

"Ok, short kid that doesn't matter, Let's check that retainer." Mort saw the girl frown at that comment. The woman was done with Mort's braces and was gone. Derito was busy checking the girl's teeth.

The dentist chair Mort was in let out a humming noise as it rose. " Well hello there, Docter Dorito... Name's Shooter" He said in a southern drawl. He was wearing a large black hat the seemed to come from nowhere. The doctor didn't see Shooter pick up a spool of dental wire.. or come up from behind him. In fact, then the poor orthodontist realized what was happening, it was too late...

" Gack..."

" Son. you weren't the kind of Dorito I take a likin' too..."

Soon the floors were littered with a couple bodies with orthodintic tools speared through random places. A few people did manage to run away screaming. " Well, it ain't no shovel, but it all works in the same mannuh..." Shooter stated. He turned to see the girl looking at him with a mixture of fear and... awe.

" You totally smoked those bitches!" She said. Shooter's face went slack. Mort opened his eyes nad saw that he was standing.

" Wha? Er, did I nod off? " He saw the dead orhtodontist... " Oh, shit..." Had Shooter been there? He looked back at little Miss Chico. " Er..."

" Hey, let's get ice cream!" She chirped. That was good enough for Mort.

" Ok, I'll buy, Chica!" He said, finally giving her a gender appropriate name.

" What! First I'm some awfully named dog, now I'm like a hooker!" She clearly didn't like that name. Mort didn't care. The two walked down the street to the conveniently placed ice cream shop. He'd have to invite her over for some corn some time.

(well, there you have it. I hope it was at least somewhat funny. Tell me what you think. Oh, and NO, I don't think I'd really want anyone I know to die, but What's secret window without murder?)


End file.
